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Search engine theater

Time for another episode of Search Engine Theater, where I dive into my referrer logs to see what kinds of interesting search terms are bringing visitors to this site.

  • "informative+speech+about+making+pumpkin+pie": My best guess is that this is somebody's assignment for an expository talk in 9th grade speech class.

    So, from Vala's Pumpkin Patch Fall Fun Cookbook:
    1 c. canned or cooked pumpkin or squash 1 c. brown sugar, firmly packed tsp. salt 2 tsp. cinnamon 1 tsp. ginger 2 T. molasses 3 eggs, slightly beaten 12 oz. can of evaporated milk

    1 unbaked pie shell

    Combine pumpkin, sugar, salt, spices and molasses. Add eggs and milk and mix thoroughly. Pour into unbaked pie shell and bake in hot oven (425) for 40 to 45 minutes, or until knife inserted comes out clean.

    I recommend substituting the store-bought pie shell with your own homemade pie crust. Heather makes a great butter-less crust. Pumpkin, by the way, is my favorite pie flavor.
  • "national+state+park+employment+wilderness+rescue+paramedic": Try working in mountain rescue with YOSAR, the fabled Yosemite Search and Rescue team. Positions are available as volunteers, technical rangers, and even interns. Extensive climbing expertise and field first aid required.
  • "a+short+fiction+story+about+a+forest+a+man+a+problem+and a+solu": Beats the heck out of me. A forest, a man, a problem, and a solution? I could point someone toward Dave Foreman's book Ecodefense: A Field Guide to Monkeywrenching, or perhaps Edward Abbey's Down the River, which, while not technically about forests and their problems, contains some of Abbey's best essays about being in the environment. Perhaps the searcher would be interested in a whole slew of books found on Amazon.com related to forest management.
  • "shepard+smith+naked": I do not want to know what this is about. At all.*
  • "download+pirated+movies": Although I'm mildly disappointed to have never received a visit from the MPAA Pirate Movie Ranger, I take a small amount of satisfaction in the frequency of visitors I get who are looking for "pirated+movies+to+download+p2p." Minority Report will be out on DVD soon, and it will be cheaper than broadband anyway.

Next time on Search Engine Theater: "John+Ashcroft+Songs." Who in their right mind really looks for this stuff?!

* For what it's worth, I think the only time I've used the word "naked" on this site is in conjunction with the word "dirty hippy."