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A time-saving hint

I have received a surprising number of hits lately from people searching for “Mastercool+parts”, “swamp+cooler+repair”, and “trapped+underneath+my+evaporative+cooler”. For all of you seeking help, allow me to offer a time-saving hint:

When looking for the elusive leak inside the cooler, the one that allows water to seep into the “dry” section of the unit, pool there, and eventually drip all over your roof (about which you have enough worries already, thank you), you will be tempted to think big: It must be in the hoses, so replace them ($4); it must be in the valves, so replace them ($20); it must be the pump, so replace it ($50). Don’t, I repeat, don’t think big. After you spend forty-eight contiguous hours making seven trips to the home center and three trips to the specialty store, climbing on the roof, scraping your knuckles, and generally making a fool of yourself where the whole neighborhood can see you, your wife will come home from a weekend in the mountains and climb up on the roof. The conversation will go something like this:

Wife: “Hmm. This is interesting.”

You: “Interesting, hell. I’ve been camping up here!”

W: “This old foam tape is all dry and cracked. See?”

Y: “Yeah, but that doesn’t make any difference. Don’t you see, the flux capacitor isn’t aligned?”

W: “Okay, but look at the water drip off.”

Y: (Filling with an odd mix of apprehension, resignation, and self-loathing) “Oh, crap.”

Half an hour later, having made one … more … trip to the home center and having bought a roll of adhesive foam tape for three dollars (three dollars!), the problem will be solved. You can now turn turn your attention to the garden, but don’t mess with the drip system because your handyman privileges have been revoked.