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Audiophiles are insane

Via the Textdrive forum comes a thread about the massive insanity that is being an audiophile, someone ready ready to spend sixty thousand dollars on an amplifier build out of, I don’t know, crystals, potentiometers, and elf bones. Needless to say, these aren’t the sort of people who download tracks from iTunes or eMusic.

At any rate, someone put together a super list of amusing audiophile products, most of which could be more accurately identified as “utterly insane.” The best products in the list for those whose “listening room” is not also their “living room,” and who, as far as I can tell, can’t possibly actually enjoy music, are as follows:

  • The 3D Mat. You stick this onto your CDs before playing them, and it accentuates the “air.” Okay.
  • The Quantum Chip. Seriously. “The Intelligent Chip is a one-inch square orange plastic wafer that, when placed on top of a compact disc player for 2-3 seconds, upgrades the disc (CD, DVD or SACD) being played.” Given the important role of quantum chips placed atop one’s CD player, audiophiles presumably aren’t much into leaving a nice half glass of beer on the amplifier.
  • The thirty thousand dollar speaker cable. Some of us could buy cars or multiple postgraduate degrees with that.
  • The wooden volume knob, as an optional accessory to the $7000 volume control. It’s made of birch, spun on a lathe, and varnished, and it goes for $500. You’ll need two, one for each channel.

Dear Santa …