Tonight Arizona takes the lead!

While the rest of the country sleeps tonight, their clocks will roll forward by an hour, but I, I will not take part. In this hour I will gain a foothold of productivity and unleash my full potential, forever to remain sixty minutes ahead of my rivals, whose poor choice of geography1 condemn them to a life of slavery to the whims of the seasons.

At least, I’ll be ahead until fall.

1 Or is it their fortunate lack of reactionary state legislature?